Reasons to Love You
by quickand2thepointless
Summary: Watanuki can't understand how Doumeki could possibly be in love with him, but Doumeki's reasons may be deeper than he thinks. DouWata one-shot, nice and fluffy. Rated T.


**A/N: **I promised something a wee bit more fluffy for my next DouWata fic, so fluff it is! And since it's been awhile since I've fought off the angst monster living in the creative area of my brain, I had a really good time writing this. Many gleeful giggles and doofy grins were released because I have a lot of trouble containing my fangirl emotions. Hope you enjoy as well!

**Rating: **T

**Disclaimer: **CLAMP pretty much owns everything I love in this world, but the writing is still mine!

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**Reasons to Love You.**

It was almost terrifying how many girls showed up to Doumeki's archery meets. Of course, at least some of them had to be associated with the other team- girlfriends, sisters, etc- but most were girls Watanuki recognized from their own class, the exact same girls who baked Doumeki cookies in Home Ec and gave Watanuki and Himawari dirty looks whenever they ate together with him.

They were all really pretty, too. Not Himawari pretty (at least not in Watanuki's somewhat biased opinion), but pretty enough to snag the attentions of the unattached guys at their school. But no matter how many guys confessed to them, it was only Doumeki they were interested in. There had to be something about his stoicism that they liked, Watanuki had to assume, or else there would be no reason why the one for them had to be Doumeki. It wasn't as if he tried to hide the fact that he was a blank faced glutton with an infuriatingly rotten personality around them. His archery meets were the only occasions where Doumeki looked particularly desirable; otherwise, he was most likely stuffing his face or staring straight ahead with those unemotional eyes of his.

Watanuki stared at the girls cheering on Doumeki, studying their excited forms carefully. There was nothing wrong with any of them. They all looked good in their uniforms, took care of themselves, had neat rows of brilliant teeth, and despite the fact that they were getting a bit shrill in their cheers for such a subdue competition, they weren't obnoxious. Why wouldn't one of them do for Doumeki? There were so many girls, so many different kinds of girls, so why of all people did it have to be _him_?

After easily besting his competition and waiting for his teammates to finish up, Doumeki met Watanuki by the stands. He didn't say anything, but simply placed his hand on the lower part of Watanuki's neck. It was a light touch, one that wouldn't seem out of place as brief skinship between friends, but when performed by Doumeki, it felt and looked different. It was a mark of possession, a way of saying _mine_ without so many words. Watanuki could feel the eyes of Doumeki's fans burning into him. Some of them didn't care; it was enough in line with their fantasies to be seen as permissible, as if the fact that Watanuki wasn't a girl made their relationship less of an intrusion. Others were not so happy, and looked as if they would love see the arrow Doumeki was holding piercing through Watanuki's chest.

Watanuki felt his cheeks turning pink. He didn't want to be watched, to be judged by these girls. He didn't understand any better than they did why and how things had turned out this way. He had hated Doumeki, or at least he thought he had, and then they had wound up doing everything together thanks to a little interference from Yuuko, and by time Doumeki had cornered him and confessed, he didn't hate him so much anymore and decided that it might be okay to go out a few times on a trial basis. It seemed better than putting an unnecessary strain on their relationship, and Watanuki had figured they'd be pretty much doing the same things that they had always done; eating, doing Yuuko's dirty work, and arguing about stupid things.

That was still a lot of what they did, but there were other parts of it that he hadn't been anticipating. Touching, kissing, a lot more time spent at each other's houses, putting up with all of Yuuko and Mokona's crafty innuendos. Watanuki didn't necessarily think it was all bad. He just didn't get it. More than anyone else, Doumeki had a whole laundry list of reasons why he shouldn't be in love with Watanuki. The fact that he knew this and it didn't bother him was what troubled Watanuki most about Doumeki. Surely all of Watanuki's bad points would catch up to him eventually. Even Doumeki couldn't perfectly tolerate the whims of someone who treated him so carelessly forever.

Doumeki was looking at him expectantly, waiting for him to say something or another about the match or how he'd only won on a fluke. "You didn't do too bad," Watanuki finally grumbled. The fingers that had won their school the match were still brushing against his neck; why did that simple thought make him so flustered?

"Want to come over?" Doumeki asked. His success and half-hearted compliment from Watanuki behind him, it was already on to the next thing for him. But what would that be? Before, "Want to come over?" indicated that he wanted Watanuki to cook for him, but nowadays it could mean anything.

"Don't you need to shower and clean up?" Watanuki asked. The rest of the team was already collecting their things and heading towards the locker room. Maybe they would even want to go out to eat together afterwards and drag their MVP along with them. Watanuki would take any escape route he could get.

"Then wait for me." Doumeki dragged his fingers up and down the length of Watanuki's neck, giving him goosebumps. "I only need to wipe down a little and change."

"But you... fine. Just don't take too long, all right?" The girls were still staring at them, following the motions of Doumeki's fingers with their eyes. If he turned Doumeki down now, who knew what sort of things he would do with those fingers next? Better to just acquiesce and save himself further discomfort and judgement.

"Good." Doumeki's hand at last fell away, dropping to Watanuki's shoulder to give him a gentle pat. "Just give me a little bit."

As Doumeki walked away, Watanuki glanced back at the suddenly quiet group of girls who had most likely wanted to be the ones to be greeted by the object of their affection following the conclusion of his match. He wanted to apologize to them, to excuse himself from their dislike. _I know I'm nothing special. I know that I don't treat him well or give him everything he wants. I don't understand why it can't be you, why it has to be me. I'm on your side. Him being with one of you makes more sense than whatever this is._

But he couldn't say that and simply expect that to make everything okay. He didn't understand why he had, but he was the one who had let this happen. He was the one who in spite of everything hadn't been able to say no.

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It was unbearably hot inside Doumeki's room. He had fans running, and they had purchased shaved ice on the way home, but both of them were sweating profusely a few minutes after stepping inside. Doumeki laid back on his futon and began undoing his buttons, exposing enough skin to make Watanuki feel awkward looking at him. He turned his gaze outside instead. It was getting to be late afternoon. The sun would start backing off soon, and it would slowly become more tolerable. Or at least it would have, once. Doumeki's gaze was too heated to make everything comfortable so easily.

"You, too," Doumeki said, reaching over towards Watanuki's shirt. His deft fingers pulled open the buttons, but they didn't stop at the collar. They went lower and lower until they were tickling against Watanuki's abdomen, deliberately exciting a reaction.

Watanuki grabbed Doumeki's hand, bringing it to a halt. "Hey," he said, keeping his voice unemotional and quiet. "You know that every time you ask me to cook something for you, I get really mad."

Doumeki blinked and didn't answer immediately. When Watanuki wouldn't say anything further, he shrugged. "Yeah." Everyone knew that.

"And that I really think Himawari is cute. Much, much cuter than you."

"Yeah."

"And that sometimes just seeing your face at the wrong time makes me angry. And that your rotten personality pisses me off."

"Yeah."

"And that in public I can't be all touchy with you. Unless it's hitting you. And I do want to hit you when you act all embarrassing. It's gross, and it's made me the number one nemesis of the girls."

"Yeah."

"You know all that, right? You really get it?"

"Yeah."

"Then why the heck are you trying to convince yourself that you like me? You probably just really hate me and got confused. And really... that's probably true of me, too."

"Oi," Doumeki said, his voice testy. "Don't put words in my mouth."

"If that's not it, than what is it? Do you even have one valid reason to like me?"

"Do I need one? How I feel is how I feel."

"Then you should change how you feel and direct it towards someone sensible and leave me out of it. I want to be normal and fall in love with Himawari-chan again!"

Doumeki grimaced, propping himself up on his elbows. "Hearing a reason isn't going to make you feel any less awkward and insecure. If you really can't take being with me, you should have at least said so at the beginning. It's getting too late for me to back out now."

"I... I..." Watanuki bit his lip, trying to collect himself. "It's not that I... dislike you, or anything. But if you're going to hate me one day for how awful I am, isn't it better just to get out now?"

Doumeki sighed, then lifted up both his hands so that the palms were facing Watanuki. "Reason one: you tried to drop kick me when we first met, but the whole time I thought you looked like a hissing cat. I didn't know what problem you had with me or if you were some kind of freak, but I thought you were kind of cute." Doumeki lowered one of his fingers. "Reason two: When I-"

"Wait, wait!" Watanuki yelled, waving his hands. "You're just making fun of me, aren't you?"

"You were the one who wanted to hear this. Let me finish. Reason two: When I saw you holding onto that dead kitten and saying you would die the same way, I knew I couldn't let that happen. I didn't even know you back then, but I felt somehow that your life was too precious to throw away. That it would become too precious to me. I still feel that way now. Even more." He lowered another finger.

Watanuki's throat suddenly felt heavy. He hadn't realized Doumeki had witnessed that moment of weakness. Had it driven Doumeki to feel unable to let go of him from the very beginning? Had his fear of not knowing himself brought them together before they'd even met?

"Reason three," Doumeki continued. "I have a lot of trouble eating food made by other people if I can't trust in the feelings they had when they made it. But when I first ate something made by you, all I felt was happiness. I could tell that your skill in cooking was something that meant a lot to you just by eating the food that you made. I got addicted to those feelings I got from eating, both mine and yours. I only ever wanted to eat things that were made by you." Another finger went down.

"Um..." Watanuki cleared his throat and tried to cover his flaming cheeks with his hands. "I get it now. You can stop. I know you don't like talking this much so... just stop."

Doumeki shook his head. "Reason four: even though I could tell you didn't like me, there was never anything I disliked about you. Except when you started trying to throw yourself away for other people. For women you barely even knew. I didn't want to watch you do it anymore. Because I was falling in love with you, and I couldn't figure anything out if you weren't here anymore. So I wanted you to learn. I wanted you to learn from me." He lowered a finger, leaving only his thumb exposed on his left hand. "Reason five: you may be an idiot about it most the time, but you have good intentions towards people. Your methods may be flawed, but your feelings are pure. The fact that you even asked me to do this tells me that you want to understand me better. That you really don't want to lose me or this." He curled his thumb over his fingers, finishing off his first hand. "Is that true?"

"D-Don't ask! You know I can't-"

Doumeki lifted up his right hand. "That's reason six. Even if your pride gets in the way, you try your best in your own way. Even though you say you're awful, that's my way of feeling love from you." He began lowering the fingers on his right hand. "Reason seven: it doesn't bother me when you get mad over things. Your deafult being set towards annoyed makes it even cuter when you act all shy at times like these. Reason eight: I don't care that you think Kunogi is cute and act like an idiot around her. The one who sees your true self is me. Reason nine: your true self is special. There's no one else in this world who affects me like you do." He left his last finger standing up. "Do you want me to stop now?"

Watanuki sucked in his breath, his pulse racing. Of course he wanted to hear. Of course he didn't. Did Doumeki understand how all of this was making him feel? It felt like he was splitting in half, crumbling at being pried open so perfectly. He'd thought that Doumeki hadn't grasped him, that he was deluding himself this whole time and confusing hate with love, but here Doumeki was looking at him honestly, seeing his flaws and still being able to love them. He wanted to cry. He wanted to throw something at Doumeki and make him shut up. He wanted to hear more. He wanted there to be infinite reasons so he never had to stop feeling like this. He wanted to swiftly be put out of this complicated misery.

"Tell me," he croaked. _Open me up completely._

"Reason ten," Doumeki said, looking at Watanuki with heavy eyes. "Hitsuzen. My soul is meant for you. There's no way around it. You can tell me to choose someone else as much you want, but there isn't anyone else for me. Everything I am is you." He closed his thumb; both of his hands were now in fist. "Are you satisfied?"

'Satisfied' didn't even come close to describing it. He felt raw and cornered. Elated. Loved. Ashamed of himself for not recognizing Doumeki as well as he'd been recognized by him. What was he supposed to do now? His doubts were what had protected him from being honest with himself about what was going on between them, but he couldn't exactly hide from it anymore. Part of him still wanted to. Doumeki's honesty was terrifying. Beautiful, but terrifying.

"I think I want to go home," Watanuki whispered. "I don't know what to do with you watching me like this."

"React however you like. But stay." He leaned his head against Watanuki's, brushing the side of his cheek just slightly with his lips. "Everything will be fine."

"Doumeki..."

Doumeki laid back down on the futon, then reached out his hand to touch Watanuki's arm. He left it like that for a moment, and then slowly began moving it up and down, massaging Watanuki's skin as if to comfort him. Little by little it traveled along his arm then veered to his exposed torso, wrapping around his waist. Pulling him down. Watanuki sank into him, deciding not to fight it. It felt good, better than it ever had. There was no reason or excuse convincing enough to make his heart say no.

They kissed slowly. Almost too slowly. Gentle and tender, like two people who had all the time in the world, even though they didn't. Doumeki's parents would come home soon. Yuuko would expect Watanuki back to cook dinner for her. They couldn't use up all their time debating their reasons for loving each other without running out of moments to love each other to begin with. Watanuki finally understood this now. This was what existed between them. The _why_ didn't matter so much. It was the _what now_ that did.

Doumeki pulled away, rolling over so he was the one straddling Watanuki on the futon. "Can we?" he murmured. It was nearly the same flat voice he normally spoke with, but something trembled on the edges of it. _Desire,_ Watanuki thought. _For me._

"Do we have time?" Watanuki asked, trying to keep his own voice calm. "And I'll need to be able to, um, walk back to Yuuko's."

"I'll be careful. We've already talked about what you were worried about. Now it's time to show you."

Watanuki felt his face going bright red, but he nodded. Maybe he would never fully understand why it was that he wanted this, this intimacy and love from someone he'd once claimed to hate, but it was enough for now just to want it, to be pulled headlong into this odd hitsuzen with a person who saw him and loved him for everything he was.

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End file.
